If you think being me is good, think again. Many things are shown to you only from the surface, but you have not even dived into an inch of the depth of my life. For being me is not as easy as what you think, especially if you have a father like mine. I'm not trying to defile or deface the image of my father, but listen my friend, and you will understand, and perhaps appreciate your parents even more.

My father is just like any other man, with an exceptionally the worst temper anybody could imagine, and utterly authoritative. In fact, too authoritative that no other people's opinion could get through his ears. There are families who face problems, but nothing is worse compared to mine, a family problem. If your family is facing some financial problems, at least they could be solved together and be over with it. Just as long as your family lives happily, peacefully and harmoniously, I am sure no problems could obstruct your lives. I am indeed rather envious with Jared, Moganasivan, Kei Fai, Sen Loong etc. I have seen from my view that your families are very close among one another. Jared, your family may be facing financial problems, but I admire your cheerful smile every time I see you. Your smile proved to me that your family live happily and harmoniously, and that your whole family can share jokes and have good discussions. Laughter in your house wouldn't be an alien.

It is heartbreaking for me to hear for myself that one of my closest person in my life puts no confidence in me, puts no trust in me although I've shown my gratitude so much. I can conclude for myself that money or materialism kills. I thank God very much for such a wonderful and understanding mother, who cared for me so much and has done a lot for me. She and I could go along so well! Before he came back from Holland, my neighbours used to tell me that my laughter could be heard houses away, but the moment he arrives home, it's like every day there will be a funeral. This is NOT the life that I want. I'd rather lead a poor but meaningful life. Such life as I'm having now is totally meaningless. I am shedding tears as I'm writing this blog.

It's difficult to be me, you know? The only person I can depend on most is my mother; my father no longer places much of his confidence in me, and that makes me very disappointing. Currently, my household is in such a condition that I wonder if it will be broken some day? Now, all I could do is seek for consolation by reading the Bible. Thank you Kah Soon for the Bible that you gave me last year. It is my source of consolation now that my mother is working. It calms me down very much. God bless!

I'm not asking you to spread about this matter to other people. Keep it to yourself. I just want to share it to a few people. Let no one else except those who read this entry knows what is in my heart.