Death Promoters

Ever heard of a life-giver? Michaelian prefects might still remember the terms "Life-givers" and "Death promoters" that were repeated quite a number of times during the Leadership Training Camp in Penang last year (thankfully we left Penang exactly one month before the tsunami struck!). Society often welcomes life-givers, for they are people who can spice your life up. Death promoters on the other hand are always unwelcomed and utterly annoying. They don't ease your life; rather, they eat away your life, causing you misery and great distress What I'm going to tell you is about one death promoter I have in my class which I have kept up with for the past many many months. Let us refer to this death promoter as C.

C is a perfect, normal guy last year until something hit his mind this year. OK, let me admit, he doesn't have the good looks that most of you have, and he has a mind that is not uncommon to ours. He is unusually pessimistic, and sometimes we wonder if he still possess some of his sanity. Till now, nobody could fully understand him. He's not really well-liked, but not really disliked either. He's neither well-known nor unfamous. He's just... weird.

All of us would be very enthusiastic when the Physical Education period arrives, because we get to play games! But while we're changing into our PE attire, we would hear "Argh. What's the use of PE?" And if it rains and PE has to be cancelled, we would hear "Yay! No PE!" from him. He is not the type of people who are active in co-curricular activities (except in Wushu [martial arts]) and he's the quiet type who doesn't talk much. Quite often we would see him mumble to himself. However, there was one thing that we would all marvel. He had never missed or forgotten to complete any assignments that the teachers give. Until the beginning of this year.

At the beginning of the year, something happened to him which I do not want to go into the details. It was only a minor matter but surprisingly he couldn't take it. He had a conflict with a teacher and he started to break down gradually. When he realised that he couldn't control himself any longer, he broke down completely and started to self-inflict pains on himself. For a moment everyone was terrified; terrified that he was losing his senses.

That was the turning point of him. He started to lack in his assignments (in fact, he couldn't hand up a few assignments on time!), and became more like a social outcast in my class. He has virtually terminated communication between his classmates and himself (to be honest, both he and I have not exchanged words for more than half a year at all). Quite recently, he has started to do something we find unbelievable: sleeping in class! He is now so uninterested in his studies. While we will be glued to our books, he will be sitting at his place and stare blankly in front without a book at all. Nobody could fathom his thoughts.

You may be wondering why didn't we ask him what's wrong. You are wrong. We did asked him to tell us what went wrong and told him to share his problems with us. However, he would never tell us anything. How could we help a friend who refuses to help himself?

For the past few months, he had continuously been beating himself on the left arm with his short plastic ruler. When we ask him to stop with his silly antics and told him to return to his senses, he would beat himself even harder, as if trying to intimidate us. Most of us had given up telling him to stop, but one or two persisted and shouted at him to stop the racket (it's quite noisy with the beating sound, you know?). He suddenly stopped and shouted, "SHUT UP!" and then would break down again. God, what was he trying to prove?

When it is time to change for PE, he would just remain silent. But he would't change. All he would do his to pull his shirt collar up to cover his head. So all we could see his only the shape of his head, and nothing else! His face would be covered by the shirt. After everyone has changed and run down to the field, only then would he change and come down slowly. At first, we tried to coax him to change, but he refused. In the end, deciding that he was trying to just gain attention, all of us left him alone. He would then come down to the field, changed into his PE attire.

Oh, this could be the most intriguing and interesting part. I'm beginning to think that he's losing his sanity. His thoughts are all about suicide. At the moment, he is very suicidal. But there's absolutely nothing that we could do to help! I recall a few moments when some of my friends tried to get him to talk. One even went up to him and gave him a shoulder massage. He asked C, "Was it nice?" And the answer C gave was, "Yeah. But it would have been better if you know how to break my bones." He would then lapse into silence and surliness. Sometimes I would think to myself, "It would be better if he dies." But what will he get?

He has particularly extremely low self-esteem. When he walks, he doesn't walk upright. He stoops and drags his feet about. He gives an impression to other people that he is a total weirdo.

Just today, we were asked to take our school bags and return to our classroom; we were in the studio of the library. C left from the computer lab with the others to get their bags. After a while, C came up. We asked him why wasn't he back in class. In a very soft voice, he answered that the classroom was still occupied. And then, he mumbled something under his breath which we couldn't catch at all. Then, one of my classmates came up and said that the classroom is vacant again, so we told C that he could now go back to the classroom. All he said was OK, took his bag and walked in his stoop-drag walk.

Well, let me lay out what I want to prove to you. I DON'T LIKE THIS TYPE OF PEOPLE. He portrays himself as if the whole world was on his shoulders or the end of the world is coming. Never was there a smile on his face and his attitude is particularly annoying. It gives me an impact because I tried to get him back to his senses, and yet all our efforts were in vain. Besides, just because he is a weirdo doesn't mean that he must spoil our day; he has spoilt my day so frequently. Every time I see him, there is a depressing feel in me that is simply indescribable. It is as if I'm seeing Death himself. There is an element of death in every part of him.

I have made a conclusion long long ago: he's going nuts (he's losing his sanity). I do wonder when will it be when I won't be seeing him in school but at the lunatic asylum. I know that he seriously needs a psychiatrist, but I still doubt how much could his conditions improve even if he sees a psychiatrist.

He's the perfect image of a Death Promoter. I don't need anyone to promote or picture what Death is like. While the heart is still pumping and your brain is still thinking, everyone should actually work towards leading a better and meaningful life. But the way C lives just isn't the way any normal human being would live. Oh well, demand your own way, demand your own ruin!

Maybe I'll post up what a life-giver is like. I might put up an example too!