Point to Ponder

Before I start, I was taken by surprise when some of my friends mentioned that the poem I wrote in my previous post: "Farewell" was so melancholic that they couldn't bear to continue reading it. Was it that saddening? I don't know; I'll let you be the judge. Nobody left any comments, so what could I say?

In this post, I wish to discuss a certain issue. It's about my cousin. All right, there is nothing wrong with my cousin, but the situation that she is in is worth talking about. Perhaps you'd have your own opinions about this issue that I will write now. For my cousin's sake, let us address her as J.

J comes from a family whose father died while she was still a baby. She has an elder brother and sister; she's the youngest in the family. J's mother is one type of mother who is authoritative but she shows no true signs of love for her children. Though the mother is vain, nevertheless, she did bring up her children by her own blood and sweat, with some support from her father-in-law, whose son died of cancer.

J's life has been virtually controlled by her mother for all these years, even until now although she is already 27 years old. J is fed-up with the way her mother decides her life. J has been trying to have a steady boyfriend, but everytime she has one, her mother would intervene, thus rendering the relationship in vain (she had to call it quits). Being a filial daughter, she had to appease her mother very much.

All seemed fine, but there's one dirty secret. J's mother was in bad terms with another family related to them, and because of that, J was disallowed from contacting with that family. However, J was fully aware that the mother was in bad terms with the other family because of her own fault and vanity. For a long time, J did not dare to contact that particular family (let it be known that it's her aunt's family). J was so guilty-conscious that this subjected her to a lot of pressure. At last, she could bear it no longer and confessed everything to the Pastor, begging him to help her put things right.

The Pastor was only too happy to assist, so he called J's mother to church and began to give her a short lecture, telling her what had happened. Upon J's returning home from work, she discovered that her mother was in a furious mood (she described that she was almost "beaten to death"). J then promptly realised that the Pastor not only didn't do any help, but instead almost harmed her (but she understood that the Pastor had good intentions). She ran out of the house, this time determined not to return anymore.

After that incident, she shifted herself to KL, where she got a job almost immediately. Upon her departing to KL, her elder brother returned from the USA. He was in the USA for about 5 to 6 years. When he came back, he bought a Mercedes Benz for the mother (note: S series); the three siblings agreed to share the instalments for the new car.

They agreed that the brother will pay RM700, and the sisters will pay RM500 each. The instalment was RM1700 per month.

Paying RM500 was not much of a burden for J, and that was what she'd thought initially, until one instruction from the queen shattered her hopes. She lived in KL for quite a while, and her pay was only RM2200, excluding the EPF. RM500 was set aside for the car, so there's RM1700 left for her to use. Her mother demanded that J gives the former RM1000 per month for her own use.

This caused J much misery, because how could you survive in KL with only RM700 in hand? The thing is that she tried to persuade her mother to accept less, but her mother was indignant, stating that it's either that J gives her RM1000 every month, or she'll call the relationship off. Heavy-heartedly, J went to the bank and left instructions that a total of RM1000 should automatically be transferred into her mother's account from hers on a monthly basis.

J's relationship with her mother became more and more tensed. The worst part of all is that her elder sister, whom she trusted, told her that it's her duty to give her mother the RM1000 she demanded. This totally ruined J's life, as this became a continuous burden. She felt as if she had no one to confide her feelings to, and remembering about her mother's contempt against her aunt, she felt somewhat sorry and secretly contacted the aunt. Her aunt was taken by surprise but welcomed J's telephone call. J apologised on behalf of her mother for her bad behaviour towards her aunt. Her aunt merely replied that the issue is just between her mother and her aunt; there's no need for J to feel guilty. She added that J may even come to visit her, and she would be happy to lend her ears to J. J thanked her aunt and pleaded to her not to tell her mother about J's contacting her aunt, lest she might be "murdered". Her aunt assured her that she won't do anything of that kind.

The moment J stepped out into the job market, her mother has been pressuring her own daughter for money, for fame, etc. J was and is subjected to a lot of stress and her elder sister, whom she thought was the only one she could confide her feelings to, was not of any help either. To avoid any further pressure, she decided to shift herself to Penang, where she got a job with Dell, with a higher pay.

Now, J dares not visit her mother so often. They are not in good terms either now. For so many years, J was not given her freedom of choice, and her mother kept intervening into her own private matters despite the fact that she is already fit to get married and, "if she's lucky, she could have already got two kids by now!", I quoted my aunt (another one) saying. She's mature enough to tell the right from the wrong.

Let's shift our focus to J's mother now. Is she doing any justice to J? Is it necessary that she should force J to give her RM1000 every month despite the fact that her son in the USA frequently sends some money back to her, and her elder daughter, too? Doesn't she realise that her daughter also needs the money to survive? How much is RM700 in today's society? It is not even enough for her own food and lodging, let alone transportation.

J's mother should be thankful that her daughter is ever so loyal to her, and despite the fact that her daughter was willing to be so thrifty just to make her happy, she shows no signs of gratefulness to J. J's mother should not have demanded J to give her RM1000 every month, but rather allow J to give her any amount of money she likes, whether it's RM300, RM400 or RM500. After all, it's only a sign to tell the mother that her daughter cares for her. At least the RM300 was sent sincerely from the bottom of J's heart, and it's certainly better than sending RM1000 to her mother when she feels so tortured about it.

J's mother should have kept her mind open, open to criticism and reduce her vanity, not to mention her ego as well. She shouldn't keep on comparing and competing with others, but rather be contented with what she has now. She should be proud that her children are able to fend for themselves, and should start letting them handle their own matters. Otherwise, her dissatisfaction would only lead to a long-term unhappiness. Not only will she be unhappy, but her children, too. J, being the youngest, is badly hit by depression and unhappiness for all these years since she started working 6 years ago.

There's currently no smile on J's face, she looks deathly pale, and her eyes lost the gleam only to tell us that she has gone through a lot of hardships and is struggling to find her feet on solid ground. She has had enough of suspending in mid-air, but until now, her toes are still off the ground.

Comments are welcomed, criticism opened to all. Just please be courteous when commenting. Thank you.