Musings of an Egghead

As I sit down in front of the laptop wondering about what I'm going to write, allow me to pour my heart out. You see, though I've spent an eventful year in university, I fear that I won't be spending an eventful holiday.

I envy those who tell me how they will be spending their holidays. One told me that she would be attending debates and going to Singapore to visit and sail! That is a totally good way to spend your holidays real fast and memorable. Much as I like to be like her to be so active, I can't.

You see, I am in a struggle now. I want to go out into the world badly but I am being held back by my parents. I want to just visit a particular place for a day but my parents would always interrupt my visit to have me back home early.

I understand that they are concerned about my safety outside. However, I feel that I need some space of my own to breathe in. Being protective over me is fine, but being over-protective can lead to some disaster in some way or other.

For many times I've not been telling them where I have been or where I am going to be, lest I shall be in trouble with my parents.

I have the urge to go visit friends in other states, say Johor Bahru, Terengganu, Kuala Lumpur, Penang, and many more! However, I have to push my urge down because I know what my parents will say about that. I know that they can hardly imagine me being eight hours away from them!

Previously, they had been complaining that I stay at home too much and that I should go out more. Now that I'm more active outside, why is it that they want me to stay at home more often now? Is it that they feel lonely that I'm not at home during my study days in university?

The loneliness that I feel now can hardly be described by words. I have not felt lonely since my early Form 5 days. Of course, this lonely feeling isn't as bad as the one I experienced in Form 5, but how long would I need to feel lonely?

It's not that I can't communicate with my parents, but we're not always in the same frequency. Being the older generation, they would have opinions that would differ from mine. And more often than not, I would be compelled to comply to their wishes.

I feel like a bird with fully-grown wings but do not have the ability to fly because my parents won't let me. They want me to be independent too but this holding me back isn't helping me at all.

My mother has been nagging about my going to Bukit Jalil for the IMU debates this Saturday. She has been telling me not to wander about. However, I do so badly want to watch the MPO on Saturday night in Dewan Filharmonik PETRONAS.

People seem to think that six weeks worth of holiday is rather short; some say it's long. To me, it seems like eternity before my semester starts. My days in university passed simply too fast, and time seems to just slow down when it's holidays now.