Autobiography (Part IV) - The Enigma of Life

My acceptance by PETRONAS into Universiti Teknologi PETRONAS (or PETRONAS University of Technology, UTP) was, rather, expected as I was initially accepted by the Singaporean Ministry of Education for the ASEAN Pre-University Scholarship. However, as the offer by Singapore didn't seem that appealing compared to that by PETRONAS, I'd decided to decline the offer by Singapore, and with faith, waited for the results from PETRONAS. On the 2nd of January 2006, I got my official letter of acceptance from UTP and PETRONAS.

On the 14th of January 2006, I made my way, together with my father, to UTP. Together with the other students, we were to attend a week of orientation week (Minggu Aluan Siswa or MAS). I was rather lost when I first stepped into UTP, and wondered who my roommate might be. About ten minutes after my arrival in UTP, I was approached by a guy as tall as I am and asked if I would willingly be his roommate. Gladly, I obliged and we registered for the same room.

During my orientation week, I didn't realise that there were two other fellow university mates who observed the conversation between me and my roommate. Apparently, our conversation was such that it appeared to them as if we were "irritating" group of people (actually, maybe that was true; no wonder both of them didn't really mix with me initially).

Anyway, the orientation week wasn't much of a memory, except for some games, activities and our Freshies Talent Nite, where I got to perform on a digital piano in a chamber orchestra comprising of brass and woodwind. We performed Michelle Branch's Game of Love, and though it wasn't such a wonderful performance (we only practised for about two nights), we felt satisfied. (Surprisingly enough, the two university mates of mine who thought me as "irritating" had a good impression of my piano playing. I was still oblivious to the fact that they thought me "irritating".)

The surprise came when one of the facilitators approached me and asked if I was willing to be her keyboardist for a band competition, in which I agreed to participate. Joining her band were two other players, a guitarist and a drummer (both are quite experienced players). Initially, I felt rather left out because you must understand that I am not a pop or rock musician; I am classically trained! I was not a fan of pop or rock music, therefore I knew not much about the songs they mentioned.

I also felt rather left out because the guitarist and the drummer got along quite well by themselves and also with the facilitator. I tried my best to mix in, but rather to no avail at most times (things have changed now).

Still, I did not surrender because I told myself that somehow, I must get to know some pop or rock music in order to be able to mix well with other people. It's important to tune into the correct "frequency", you know?

Anyway, suffice to say I had rather enjoyed being in the band. It enabled me to be close to the guitarist and the drummer, and I'm glad that I was able to make some new friends (need I say that the guitarist and the drummer were the ones who thought me as "irritating"? Well, in the band, they had a different impression of me and decided that I wasn't, after all, so "irritating"). Really, I don't really know what stopped me from making new friends easily. Perhaps, I was still rather attached to friends from my old school.

That was during the first half of the year 2006. The second half was more memorable, in the sense that I became more accepted among my friends and I mixed with them more. It was also in the second half of the year that I began playing a game that I had never really wanted to play: Defence of the Ancients, also known as DotA. I found, to my surprise, that many people were equally shocked that I took up that game, which perhaps attributed to my being more accepted within my university mates (well, you must understand that going with the flow makes mixing around much more easier).

And perhaps my most memorable moment for last year was to know that I had obtained a GPA of 4.00 in my final examinations. I was excited and happy to know about my results, and I thank God very much for my success.

The most shocking news that I would deliver is perhaps my conversion to Christianity. As some of you might know, I studied about Christianity since I was Form 2 (I do not wish to go into details as why I was interested); I wanted to compare and contrast about certain things. In Form 4, I yearned to know more about the teachings of Christianity and asked Tan Kah Soon if he knew where I could get a copy of the Bible. The next day itself, he presented me with the Bible for free. He said he had two copies so he decided to give one to me. Within a year or so, I had almost completed the whole Bible.

In UTP, I have attended CELL group meetings and I became more attached to Christianity. Two weeks before Christmas, I felt that I was ready to become a Christian finally, and something seemed to be overwhelming me that I accepted Christ without delay. When I delivered this news to some of my closest friends, most were happy and some were surprised.

The most disheartening moment was when I was struck by the same depression that I experienced back in my Form 5 days. I felt lonely again and depression crept into me soon enough. I tried many ways to cheer myself up, but in the end decided that I needed to leave home and have a vacation on my own, in which I had bought a ticket from Ipoh to Johor Bahru on the 26th of December and returned on New Year's Eve.

My New Year's Day wasn't such a memorable one, considering the fact that I was still in depression. I spent most of my days prior to my return to campus in prayers. Now, I feel much more cheerful and I thank the Lord, as well as my parents especially my mother, who care about me. Not forgetting my ever loyal and caring friends, who are always willing to lend a listening ear when I am in the dumps.

My future is as uncertain as it can be. I could only let God decide my destiny. I pray that it will be for the good.

And thus, this autobiography ends.