Autobiography (Part IV) - The Enigma of Life

My acceptance by PETRONAS into Universiti Teknologi PETRONAS (or PETRONAS University of Technology, UTP) was, rather, expected as I was initially accepted by the Singaporean Ministry of Education for the ASEAN Pre-University Scholarship. However, as the offer by Singapore didn't seem that appealing compared to that by PETRONAS, I'd decided to decline the offer by Singapore, and with faith, waited for the results from PETRONAS. On the 2nd of January 2006, I got my official letter of acceptance from UTP and PETRONAS.

On the 14th of January 2006, I made my way, together with my father, to UTP. Together with the other students, we were to attend a week of orientation week (Minggu Aluan Siswa or MAS). I was rather lost when I first stepped into UTP, and wondered who my roommate might be. About ten minutes after my arrival in UTP, I was approached by a guy as tall as I am and asked if I would willingly be his roommate. Gladly, I obliged and we registered for the same room.

During my orientation week, I didn't realise that there were two other fellow university mates who observed the conversation between me and my roommate. Apparently, our conversation was such that it appeared to them as if we were "irritating" group of people (actually, maybe that was true; no wonder both of them didn't really mix with me initially).

Anyway, the orientation week wasn't much of a memory, except for some games, activities and our Freshies Talent Nite, where I got to perform on a digital piano in a chamber orchestra comprising of brass and woodwind. We performed Michelle Branch's Game of Love, and though it wasn't such a wonderful performance (we only practised for about two nights), we felt satisfied. (Surprisingly enough, the two university mates of mine who thought me as "irritating" had a good impression of my piano playing. I was still oblivious to the fact that they thought me "irritating".)

The surprise came when one of the facilitators approached me and asked if I was willing to be her keyboardist for a band competition, in which I agreed to participate. Joining her band were two other players, a guitarist and a drummer (both are quite experienced players). Initially, I felt rather left out because you must understand that I am not a pop or rock musician; I am classically trained! I was not a fan of pop or rock music, therefore I knew not much about the songs they mentioned.

I also felt rather left out because the guitarist and the drummer got along quite well by themselves and also with the facilitator. I tried my best to mix in, but rather to no avail at most times (things have changed now).

Still, I did not surrender because I told myself that somehow, I must get to know some pop or rock music in order to be able to mix well with other people. It's important to tune into the correct "frequency", you know?

Anyway, suffice to say I had rather enjoyed being in the band. It enabled me to be close to the guitarist and the drummer, and I'm glad that I was able to make some new friends (need I say that the guitarist and the drummer were the ones who thought me as "irritating"? Well, in the band, they had a different impression of me and decided that I wasn't, after all, so "irritating"). Really, I don't really know what stopped me from making new friends easily. Perhaps, I was still rather attached to friends from my old school.

That was during the first half of the year 2006. The second half was more memorable, in the sense that I became more accepted among my friends and I mixed with them more. It was also in the second half of the year that I began playing a game that I had never really wanted to play: Defence of the Ancients, also known as DotA. I found, to my surprise, that many people were equally shocked that I took up that game, which perhaps attributed to my being more accepted within my university mates (well, you must understand that going with the flow makes mixing around much more easier).

And perhaps my most memorable moment for last year was to know that I had obtained a GPA of 4.00 in my final examinations. I was excited and happy to know about my results, and I thank God very much for my success.

The most shocking news that I would deliver is perhaps my conversion to Christianity. As some of you might know, I studied about Christianity since I was Form 2 (I do not wish to go into details as why I was interested); I wanted to compare and contrast about certain things. In Form 4, I yearned to know more about the teachings of Christianity and asked Tan Kah Soon if he knew where I could get a copy of the Bible. The next day itself, he presented me with the Bible for free. He said he had two copies so he decided to give one to me. Within a year or so, I had almost completed the whole Bible.

In UTP, I have attended CELL group meetings and I became more attached to Christianity. Two weeks before Christmas, I felt that I was ready to become a Christian finally, and something seemed to be overwhelming me that I accepted Christ without delay. When I delivered this news to some of my closest friends, most were happy and some were surprised.

The most disheartening moment was when I was struck by the same depression that I experienced back in my Form 5 days. I felt lonely again and depression crept into me soon enough. I tried many ways to cheer myself up, but in the end decided that I needed to leave home and have a vacation on my own, in which I had bought a ticket from Ipoh to Johor Bahru on the 26th of December and returned on New Year's Eve.

My New Year's Day wasn't such a memorable one, considering the fact that I was still in depression. I spent most of my days prior to my return to campus in prayers. Now, I feel much more cheerful and I thank the Lord, as well as my parents especially my mother, who care about me. Not forgetting my ever loyal and caring friends, who are always willing to lend a listening ear when I am in the dumps.

My future is as uncertain as it can be. I could only let God decide my destiny. I pray that it will be for the good.

And thus, this autobiography ends.

Autobiography (Part III) - From Tween to Teen

When I first entered Standard 1 in St. Michael's Institution Primary School, I was totally blur about the condition around me, for I knew not a word of Bahasa Melayu then. I was brought up with Mandarin and English, and initially I was supposed to enrol into a Chinese primary school. However, as there were many "little dragons" (I was born in the year of the dragon), the enrolment for the primary school was closed (full).

I wasn't sure about anything during my first few days of school. I understood not a word of what my teacher said because it was all in the Malay language. Fortunately, for the first day, my mother was right outside the classroom to keep a watch in case I suddenly become upset. I remember clearly that I asked her how to ask for permission to excuse myself to the lavatory in Malay. My mother immediately taught me how to ask for permission and that was my first time I asked for permission to the lavatory in Malay. It was also my first time speaking in proper Bahasa Melayu.

I recall that I didn't do well at all for my first semester examinations. I ended up in the 21st place in the whole of Standard 1. It is also very comical to think that I actually thought that Port Dickson was the name of a man (I had never been to Port Dickson before), which explained why I constructed a sentence with "Encik Port Dickson". You could tell how rather unintelligent I was then.

However, in Standard 2 and onwards my results improved due to proper guidance and some tuition classes. At Standard 6, I finally secured the third place, which was quite an achievement for me indeed. And my very first joy of studying came when I was blessed with straight 5 A's for my UPSR examination.

After UPSR, I moved into a new phase of life, as a teenager. However, unlike any other teenagers who would have already got interested in things such as Rock, Pop or Heavy Metal music, I was more towards the Classical side. I have a large collection of Classical pieces. This is all most probably due to my type of upbringing. It was also during my Form 1 life that I realised that I wasn't really myself. My mother had been away in the USA to work for about 22 months when I was Standard 4. During the 22 months, I had been conditioned by my father to be quite a sensitive, extremely serious, quiet and queer person. It wasn't until when my mother observed that I changed that I, too, in return realise what had happened to me. I was so serious that even the best of jokes failed to make me laugh (even now I might not laugh at certain jokes because I still possess some of my old qualities).

I was also conditioned to be a straightforward person, without any cunning. More often than not I had been used by other people to do some donkey's work. It was my mother who tried to instil some cunning in me so that I don't often get cheated so easily. But even now, I still tend to offer a helping hand if I can although it may not benefit me in any way (or even to my own disadvantage).

My Form 1 year wasn't any memorable, but Form 2 was the beginning of a sweet memory, when I got to perform as a pianist in the drama Flower Drum Song. At that year, I was known as the youngest student to actually participate in the annual school drama (now not anymore when a Form 1 boy took up the role as Clopin's puppet in last year's drama The Hunchback of Notre Dame). My Form 2 was also perhaps my downfall for I had missed classes almost every day, because I was in the afternoon session and my classes were also in the afternoon. Therefore, my results were far behind.

In Form 3, I made a come back. I paid more attention in classes and it's needless for me to say that I had managed to score straight 7 A's for my PMR examination. It was also the most memorable year for my school as we managed to have 99 students scoring straight A's for the PMR examination (we aimed for 100; so we were short of a student). It was the best result ever in the history of the school, and still is the best. That particular year 2003 marked the year when we were second only to Ave Maria School.

Form 4 marked the year again when I participated in the school drama The King and I, but my examination results were maintained at the appropriate level. Again I played as the pianist, but this time as the lead pianist (a big responsibility indeed, as the pieces were not easy to manage, and my absence would normally mean that the practice would have to be delayed).

My Form 5 year marked my own emotional downfall. After going out with friends for Chinese New Year, I became suddenly depressed due to loneliness. I wondered and pondered the reason to why it happened, and for six months I told nobody about my depression, and I saw my own examination results dropping right before my eyes. After June, I became emotionally stable again and did immensely better for my trial examinations. And soon afterwards I sat for my SPM examinations. I could only wish that I had scored straight 1A's, but I ended up having nine 1A's and two 2A's.

After the SPM examinations, I was busy attending tests for the ASEAN Scholarship as well as the PETRONAS Educamp. It wasn't long after that that I obtained offers from both the Singapore Ministry of Education and PETRONAS, which in the end I decided that I would accept the offer from the latter.

I could have expected for a great university life, but unknowingly again, things take a turn quite often, and although we may learn from history, there are things that will be repeated.

To be continued...

This entry also marks the 200th entry in Egghead's Cracks.

Autobiography (Part II) - Souvenirs d'Enfance

Living as a baby has been quite an experience, I would say, to my parents if not for me, for I had lived perhaps in complete oblivion.

My childhood days are not what anybody would expect it to be. My childhood days were rather much surrounded by sickness. I was often ill, with flu or cough. It was as if my immune system shut down while I was about three years old. Being rather a chubby boy, I ended up being extremely thin. My appetite was poor and I needed much coaxing by my patient mother before I would finally eat something. I remember that I used to despise rice, for it is tasteless. My favourite food then constitutes anything that is salty or sweet. Bitter, sour and spicy food did not come into the constitution. True enough, I had been very choosy when it came to food.

It was also a moment when I had the craving for junk food. I loved lollipops and sweets, but my mother usually refused to buy me any of those. I don't really remember if I had ever protested, but my mother's refusal didn't really seem to matter.

This was also the moment when I first tasted alcoholic drinks. I was about four then. My family was once invited to a wedding dinner, and as usual, I sat in between my parents in a baby chair. A cup of tea was served in front of me. My parents also had tea. However, eventually they ended up having a cup of liquor, too. The liquor was diluted with water and filled with ice. I was then completely oblivious to the fact that that was liquor, and thought that it was iced tea. Without my parents noticing what I was about to do (for no doubt, they thought that I grabbed my cup of tea), I took hold of my father's cup of liquor and downed half of the liquor. When my parents looked back, they saw the cup and my rather reddish face. They asked if that was liquor, and I nodded, giving a look that told them that I didn't like it. They laughed.

I entered the Canning Garden Methodist Kindergarten when I was five years old, and I clearly remember when my mother, through the recommendation of her friend, decided to send me to a nursery after kindergarten hours, because she was busy in her insurance job. I was then very attached to my mother and for the first time when the nursery teacher came to pick me up, I was rather nervous and worried (but I had a childhood friend of mine next to me, so I was quite comforted). At around 3.00 p.m. they would, according to schedule, get the children to sleep but I couldn't. Therefore, they let me out of the room doing some jigsaw puzzle work. I was only too happy when my mother finally came to pick me up at 5.00 p.m.

I became gradually unhappy to go to the nursery because I felt deprived of my mother's attention. The attention I got in the nursery wasn't the attention that I desired. There was once when I decided not to follow the nursery teacher. Instead of waiting at the waiting area, I decided to go to the playground and played on the swing. My mother was immediately notified about me being missing and she came straight to the kindergarten, only to find that I was enjoying myself on the swing. My class teacher was worried sick. Since then, my mother never wanted to send me to the nursery anymore.

At six years old, I was still in the same kindergarten. One of the most queer events that occurred was during recess time. During recess, we were all served with a plate of fried noodles, but the teacher insisted that we do not eat first until everyone got a plate. However, when everyone got a plate, we were told not to start either. To my surprise, the teacher started saying a few words and asked us to repeat what she said. I couldn't really understand the purpose of it (back then I did not really understand the meaning of "pray") but just merely followed. After a few lines, she ended with "Amen" and we did the same, and I had no idea what it meant. Little did I know that it was a prayer and that she was a Christian. However, as it was to be done everyday, naturally I memorised that prayer and treated it as a normal routine.

The most memorable moment that I could ever have is perhaps my first overseas trip. At five years old, I had the opportunity to follow my mother to Los Angeles, USA, where my aunt was, and is, living. We went there for a tour initially, and eventually we stayed over in her house. During the trip, we went to Disneyland where I was overjoyed upon meeting mascots such as Mickey Mouse and Goofy (not forgetting Donald Duck). The scenery and the setup of Disneyland were simply beyond my imagination. The technology to me was so advanced that I really wished that I hadn't left it at all.

The next places I visited in the USA were Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon wasn't a place to bear with easily, for it was a desert. With the scorching hot sun, we were only too happy to be able to leave the place and into Las Vegas, the city of lights and casinos. We visited one of the casinos and to me the machines inside were like toys to me. There were big ones and some small ones. I saw some people pulling down some sort of handles and saw money coming down. I was immensely surprised by that and I couldn't help pulling one of those handles, too, much to my mother's horror. I didn't realise that somebody was playing on one of those machines, and I just pulled the handle! Still, lucky him (or lucky me), he almost hit the jackpot.

To be continued...

Autobiography (Part I) - The Beginning of a New Life

I wouldn't know if you will find this autobiography of myself boring, but I'd like to share. You will see in the end, as the saying goes, that life isn't a bed of roses, but neither would anybody expect it to sometimes be a bed of thorns. A bed of roses with thorns would bring maturity to people, but a bed of thorns is what people have to sometimes experience.

After waiting for about seven years, a new life was born in the year 1988 (I could only assume that my parents were happily married in around 1980 or 1981 at the latest), on the 8th day of the fourth month of the Gregorian calendar, or the 22nd day of the second month of the lunar calendar. Initially, this baby was scheduled to be born in May, so what had caused the delivery to be a month earlier?

An ultrasonic scan done by one of Ipoh's top gynaecologists revealed that at eight months, the position of the foetus was incorrect (perhaps a reverse baby), prompting the doctor to do some manual adjustments. The risks of doing so was well informed to the mother, who consented to the adjustment. As expected, the amnionac sac broke, and the mother had to undergo days of fluid transfusion to replace the lost fluid from the womb.

Another fact was revealed soon. Not only was the baby in a reversed position, but a normal delivery wouldn't be possible because the placenta was below the neck of the foetus; a normal delivery could suffocate the baby. The verdict was done - a Caesarean delivery was necessary. And on the glorious 8th of April 1988, a new life was born. And he was given the name Yew Guo Zheng.

Weighing about 3.75 kg, the doctor noted that I was an inch longer than almost all babies who were delivered maturely. As such, the doctor predicted that this individual would grow to be a very tall person.

Being the married couple's first and only (not knowing that he is also their last) child, they showered him with love and care. Taking care of this baby was not much of a trouble, for he wasn't one who cried a lot; even if he did, it would be soft at first, before getting louder due to mere impatience. In order to take care of this new member of the family, the mother had decided to quit her beauty salon business, while the father continued to work for the family. Back then, we lived in a rented house in Taman Falam Bintang, a small housing area in Kampung Simee.

It wasn't long before my family decided to move into their very own new home in Taman Sri Kurau, a bigger residential area off the village of Bercham. Well, whether was it a new or old home didn't matter to the new member of the family. What mattered most that he was able to experience the utmost love of the family.

Initially, the plan was to include another member of the family to live with us - my paternal grandfather. I was about a year old already, but still unable to walk (some male babies were already able to walk at the age of ten, which seems to me a bit far-fetched, or eleven months old, which is more probable), and my grandfather was still in The Netherlands enjoying his tour with his sons and daughters who had migrated there for a long time already. During his tour, it was unfortunate that he caught pneumonia and passed away there before he could even step his feet into our new house. His body was flown back to Malaysia where he was buried in Kampung Tawas. The day when he was buried seemed to be quite a memorable moment, for while my late grandfather took his first step to heaven, I had then taken my first step on my own feet. Immediately after returning from the burial ceremony, the miracle happened. I stood on my own feet, as I had always been doing (I had almost never crawled on the floor; I enjoyed standing and walking about with my hands supporting myself on a rail, or running about seated in a baby "wheel-chair"), and unhesitatingly took my first few steps. My parents were stunned for a while, only to laugh when I dropped on my fours after a few steps.

Life for this young individual may seem to be like a bed of roses, but unknown to him, challenges and trials were lurking just right in the corner.

To be continued...